Flattery
What we saw yesterday in Psalm 12, David lamenting the fact that everybody lies to their neighbor. And then he goes on to say “they flatter with their lips but harbor deception in their hearts. May the Lord silence all flattering lips.”
Maybe this is a prayer we need to pray in two ways today: Asking God to silence our lips so that we don't flatter others, and also asking God to silence those who want to flatter us. Because, of course, flattery is deceptive.
Understanding True Flattery
What does it mean to flatter someone? Maybe the word confuses you. Somebody once said, "Flattery is the art of telling someone exactly what they think of themselves." In other words, just stroking their ego a little bit so that they like you because of what you've said.
And this is tricky because, of course, we want to speak encouraging words to people. We want to lift people up. We want to help them along. But that's different from flattering. Flattering is when you say something nice to someone so that they think better of you. It's false. It's deceptive. You don't really think what you're saying, but you're saying it just to try getting their good books.
The Danger of Deceptive Words
And so, as I said, we need to be wary of this from both angles. Firstly, we need to be wary of flattering others. Let's speak honestly to people. I know from experience that it's better to speak kindly in honesty than pretending with people.
Pretending never ends well. Rather speak the truth. Augustine once said: "It is better to be persecuted for having said the truth than to be favored for having flattered." Wise words.
Maybe there's a relationship in your life where you need to look at your words carefully and say, “Am I being deceptive here? Do I need to speak more honestly with this person instead of flattering them the whole time?”
Guarding Against False Praise
But on the other side, friends, beware of people who flatter you. And again, it is okay to be encouraged by people, of course, and to take in their words of love and upliftment. But learn to discern when people are doing that to encourage you or when people are buttering you up.
We all struggle with this. In fact, Charles Spurgeon tells a story of speaking to a man who said, "I'm completely unaffected by flattery." And Spurgeon turned to him and said, "Well, you have a high gift in flattering yourself if you think you can't be flattered." Maybe you're flattering yourself.
And so again, look at your relationships and see if there are people who are flattering you. And perhaps if there are people around who are always stroking your ego, you need to rethink the way you do things and get people who are, of course, encouraging but honest and caring towards you and not false.
May that prayer of David be in our hearts today, where we say: "May the Lord silence all flattering lips”, be they our lips or the lips of the people around us.
