Treat Them Like Family
Paul begins his instructions to Timothy about the church family like this: "Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity" (1 Timothy 5:1-2).
Within the church family, Paul says, treat your people with the utmost respect. See the older men as father-figures and give them their due. See the older women as mother-figures and respect them in that way. Treat the younger ones as brothers and sisters. I imagine that if Timothy had been an older man, Paul would have told him to treat the young people in his church as his own sons and daughters.
What Respect Looks Like in the Church
You get what he's saying - your church family deserves your respect and your compassion. Don't be aggressive with the older men; be respectful. Don't be domineering and superior with the younger men; treat them right. Don't be impure when it comes to the younger women.
These are good lessons for leaders, absolutely. When you are in a position of authority or leadership, you could find yourself making these mistakes very easily. Make sure instead that you are respectful.
Why I Err on the Side of Caution
Most of you know that I err on the side of caution when it comes to physical contact with the women in our church. I will always be friendly and respectful, but I try to avoid going in for a hug in most cases. Shereen and I are very careful not to travel alone in a car with somebody of the opposite sex. When I am counselling these days, I make sure my door isn't closed and that somebody else is around, so that I can't be accused of anything. Even with house visits, I am wary of visiting one-on-one with women, although for some of the retired ladies I have. Some people know this as the "Billy Graham rule" - he implemented it in his own life, and it served him well.
Some have suggested that this is a ridiculous standard, that I am being unreasonable in being so strict, immature even, to take it this far. I want you to know that I have heard horror stories of ministers getting into inappropriate situations. They're stories I can't really tell on this platform. Older minister mentors have warned me time and again, be very, very, very careful in this area.
I decided long ago to rather play it safe. Now, of course I will give you a hug if you need a hug. I don't want to be accused of anything, though, or to be the man who enjoys a hug a bit too much, or lingers on it a bit too long. I'd rather be safe and make sure that I treat you with absolute purity and respect, and that I honour my wife completely.
Start With the Family You Already Have
Treat the people in your own church family with respect. Treat them as you would your own relatives.
Of course, you might be saying my relatives don't treat each other that well! Perhaps that is the lesson you need from this text today. Perhaps you need to begin treating your father or mother with more respect and love. Perhaps you need to speak to your spouse with more respect and compassion. Perhaps you need to be more patient with your children, your parents, your siblings. Maybe there is an honest conversation to be had, or an apology to be made, or forgiveness to be asked for.
Nobody's family is perfect, of course. Jesus' own family life was tricky, and at one point they wanted nothing to do with Him, because they thought He had become too much of a radical. But He cared for them all the same. Do you remember how, while He hung on the cross, He spoke to John to make sure that His mother would be looked after? That is the standard we are given. Respect your family, care for them deeply, and love them with a pure and committed love, be it your church family or your family at home.
Paul tells Timothy to treat everyone in the church as he would his own father, mother, brother or sister. Pick one person this week - at church or at home - and speak to them with the respect you have been withholding.