Be Humble
Paul writes to the Christians in Ephesus these words: "Be completely humble." (Ephesians 4:2)
Humility is key when dealing with difficult people. Arrogance, self-righteousness, over-sensitivity - these are the things that cause us not to deal with people in the right way. They’re make us the difficult ones!
Looking back on my own dealings with difficult people, I see how a lot of the time I misunderstood what was actually going on, because I let emotion take over. Often I take personally things that are not personal attacks at all. But my pride gets in the way of seeing that! I get so offended, and my pride puffs me up, that I lose the ability to discern an attack from a word of direction, or from somebody just doing what they think is right. Instead of humbly considering people and their ways, I get all prideful and offended. "If they only knew what I am going through!" I shout to myself! "How could they do such a thing to me!" I complain.
The Trap of Taking Things Personally
In today's Western world, many conservative people find it crazy how quickly people are offended - if you call them the wrong name or assume the wrong thing about them, they get all offended, and conservative types can't believe that people are so silly about such trivial things. But then we also get offended at small things! Can you believe so and so didn't greet me? Can you believe so and so asked me to do this? Can you believe so and so said this to me? We take personally things that are most often not meant at all as an insult. And even if they are, so what? Are we so prideful that we can't deal with it?
Believe me, I'm talking to myself here too.
Somebody once said that "Grace produces no lovelier virtue in human character than humility." Paul says to the Ephesians, be completely humble. How about us? Would Paul write to us and say, be completely humble - don't get so bent out of shape so quickly. Be un-offendable! Be humble enough to learn from people's words, people's supposed criticism.
Finding the Kernel of Truth
Dawson Trotman was the man who founded The Navigators, a great Christian organisation. He had a method for dealing with people who seemed to be criticising him. No matter what the supposed criticism or offence was, he committed to taking it to God in prayer and saying "Lord, show me the kernel of truth hidden in this criticism." That's mature. That's dealing with people humbly.
You can get defensive. You can take things personally. You can build up grudges based on somebody's words or actions. Or you can deal with it humbly, by asking God to show you the kernel of truth in other people's words or actions.
Let’s lay down our pride, friends. Let’s humbly understand that what we think is an attack is almost certainly a misunderstanding. Let’s humbly seek the kernels of truth in times of conflict, rather than letting pride take over and making us the difficult ones.
If you want to deal with difficult people, begin by being humble.