Be Patient
Paul writes to the Christians in Ephesus: "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." (Ephesians 4:2)
The Gift of Patience
You can't be gentle if you are not patient with people. You need to give people a chance. You need to be patient and bear with them in love, if you are truly going to be gentle and Christlike.
Thinking back to the struggles I've had with people, it usually came down to them not doing things the way I wanted them to be done. And this made me very impatient! And a little resentful. There are situations where, looking back, I believe I would have dealt with it so much better if I had asked God for grace-filled patience. If I had been willing to see things from the other's point of view!
Much of the time, when people clash, it's a result of pain. People do funny things because of their pain. Me included of course. Our pain and our struggles often so overwhelm us that we say and do things that are a little out of character. And when we recognise that we've messed up, we want others to be patient, and merciful, and bear with us in our error. How willing are we to offer the same thing to somebody else?
The Double Standard We All Apply
Someone makes a mistake in traffic, and you get real mad - but if you make a mistake in traffic, you say "ok ok, it was a mistake, gee calm down everybody!" Somebody misses a deadline, and you get upset - then comes the day you just couldn't meet your deadline, and you hope for a bit of patience and understanding. Somebody says something stupid, it hurts, you hold a grudge - but when you say something that gets misunderstood, you are amazed that people can't see it your way.
How often are we impatient with others, but we expect others to be patient with us. I have come to learn, the hard way, that most of the time when people make me mad, it's not worth getting mad about. They were just doing things the way they thought they should. And I was impatient.
People are going to mess up. How patient will we be when people's sins or faults get in our way?
A Patience That Comes From the Heart
I'm not talking about a fake patience, when inside we are seething! Nazarene minister JN Short tells a story in an old Nazarene magazine of a businessman friend of his, selling goods to a fussy and exasperating lady. He watched his face, knowing he was angry to the last degree. But the merchant simulated a smile, and seemed very polite and pleasant - not wishing to offend her and lose her business. After she went out, he exploded in anger – in a way that, if she had been there to see it, would have chased her out for good.
Is this what patience is about? Harbouring anger and then exploding when you have the first opportunity? I don’t think so. I don’t think, when Jesus talked about love and when Paul talked about patience, that they meant for us to pretend we have these things, when inside we don’t.
It's no good pretending to be humble, gentle or patient. Ask God today for the real thing - a grace-filled, Spirit-led patience that bears with others in genuine love.
When dealing with difficult people, patience is key. Are you willing to offer people the same patience you’d want them to give you?